Tag: top 10

A Good Day to Die Hard Bruce Willis
The year is almost over, so it’s time for us to look back at the film’s we’ve seen and fashion our very own naughty list. It wasn’t a particularly dire period for cinema, but it did contain a few stinkers.

10) Spring Breakers

Even if Spring Breakers aims to satirise the culture which it superficially espouses, it doesn’t do enough to detach itself from its cast of repugnant characters, and risks making them teeth-gnashingly annoying idols.

9) Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters

The violent fantasy schlock of this film is novel for roughly 30 seconds, but it doesn’t sustain adequate levels of silliness and feigns rebelliousness to hide its derivative, immature core.

8) Runner Runner

This cliché-riddled thriller starring Justin Timberlake falls flat as a result of awful acting, an improbable plot and one of the worst villains of all time, played by a disinterested Ben Affleck.

7) The Host

The magic of Stephenie Meyers’ Twilight franchise wasn’t mimicked by this adaptation of her second series of young adult novels. An incoherent story, uninspired acting and bargain basement action make The Host an exercise in cynical studio cash-in fever. And boy is it boring.

6) Jack the Giant Slayer

A story no one wanted to hear turned into a film no one went to see. A box office bomb that deserved to fail.

5) After Earth

Will Smith scales the north face of Mount Nepotism, casting his uncharismatic son Jaden in this shambling, dull sci-fi film.

4) Movie 43

In spite of the title, this isn’t really a movie. It’s a series of criminally bad sketches starring famous faces who are only participating as a favour to producer Peter Farrelly. An unfunny, awkward hodgepodge of skits.

3) Diana

This big pile of reverential nonsense had some of the worst dialogue of the year, and isn’t even rescued by its talented cast.

2) Scary Movie 5

Yep, this came out in 2013. We saw it. And it sucked.

1) A Good Day to Die Hard

Something had to go wrong for the Die Hard franchise eventually, and with a combination of a bored-looking Bruce Willis and clunky CGI during the action sequences, this fifth film was not just bad in its own right, but barely felt like a Die Hard movie at all.

What with Zack Snyder announcing a Superman / Batman movie during Comic-Con 2013, as well as confirming that Christopher Nolan’s version of the Dark Knight is not being resurrected, there’s been a lot of talk about who should star opposite Henry Cavill’s Man of Steel in this 2015 blockbuster mash-up.

It’s always difficult to imagine an actor embodying a well established comic book character and there have been various successes and failures throughout Hollywood’s history. Here are our 10 picks for the stars who’d do the best job of bringing Batman to life this time around.

5) Andrew Lincoln

This is a massive long shot, but it’d be nice to see an older Brit come back and replace Bale as Batman. Lincoln has found a fresh flush of fame thanks to The Walking Dead, which is one of America’s most watched TV shows, so he’s definitely got a profile that’s high enough to earn some attention in Hollywood. And he’d be a much better choice than fellow star of the small screen John Hamm. Hamm has the right jawline, but is let down by having the elastic grin of a lunatic.

4) Armie Hammer

We’ll be getting a Hammering next month when The Lone Ranger barges its way through the saloon doors of the UK, although this might not be the big budget vehicle which truly launches Armie’s mainstream career given its poor performance at the box office in the US. Perhaps he’ll have more luck as the Caped Crusader, a role that he actually secured back in 2007 when Warner Bros. was lining up a Justice League movie to run concurrent with Nolan’s The Dark Knight. This project never saw the light of day, but Hammer must still be in line to take a stab at this meaty role.

3) Karl Urban

If you didn’t see the excellent Dredd last year, it’s well worth renting or streaming. Karl Urban proves he can handle a gruff, masked male lead in it and there’s also some impressive effects work for something with such a small budget. Urban is obscure enough to warrant the attention of studio execs who’re behind the new Batman movie, since without the baggage of any other major roles behind him he’s effectively a blank canvass. His Star Trek Into Darkness co-star Chris Pine is also thought to be in the running, although he’s a bit too peppy to portray such a maudlin character.

2) Joseph Gordon-Levitt

Although there’s said to be a disconnected between Nolan’s Batman trilogy and Snyder’s new take on the character, fans would be throttling their groins in excitement at the idea of seeing Joseph Gordon-Levitt step into the snug black boots of the hero he was hinted to be embodying at the end of The Dark Knight Rises. He’s physically smaller than most other actors considered for comic book parts, but that would keep things interesting. Muscles and stature aren’t everything, particularly if, as some have suggested, Batman is going to be fighting Superman rather than working with him. Brains and gadgets will count for more. He’s also the bookies’ favourite.

1) Ryan Gosling

Our top choice for the role of Batman in Zack Snyder’s new movie is definitely sweet, sweet Ry-Ry. Gosling has oodles of physicality, and he’s not been afraid to demonstrate it in Drive, Gangster Squad and the upcoming Only God Forgives. He’s also excellent at being broody and monotonous in his delivery of dialogue, which is exactly what you need from Batman. Of course he’s also a bit of an indie darling and doesn’t seem keen on going for blockbuster work if he can avoid it. That could change, for the right price. And Warner Bros/DC have deep pockets.

Paddy Power is already offering odds on a long list of actors who might end up playing Batman in the next movie, which we’ve included in its entirety. Thankfully Hugh Jackman’s on at 100/1. There’s no way The Wolverine actor would drop his silly hairdo and fist-forks to join a rival franchise, right? Nah.

Batman Specials

3/1          Joseph Gordon-Levitt

10/1        Ryan Gosling

10/1        Chris Pine

10/1        Jake Gyllenhaal

11/1        Channing Tatum

12/1        Christian Bale

12/1        Sam Worthington

12/1        Garrett Hedlund

14/1        Bradley Cooper

14/1        Armie Hammer

14/1        Luke Evans

16/1        Josh Brolin

16/1        Michael C. Hall

18/1        Jon Hamm

18/1        Matt Bomer

20/1        Gerard Butler

20/1        Karl Urban

25/1        Michael Fassbender

25/1        Benjamin Walker

25/1        Liam Hemsworth

33/1        Anthony Mackie

33/1        Alex O'Loughlin

33/1        Josh Halloway

40/1        David Boreanaz

40/1        Brad Pitt

40/1        Tom Cruise

100/1      Hugh Jackman

Hey lovebirds, it’s National Kissing Day today! You don’t need to buy a card or flowers, just plant your lips on a spouse, friend or compliant stranger and get smooching.

Of course even a simple kiss can go awry, particularly if there’s not a spark between the involved parties. Here are 10 of the most awkward screen kisses which are sure to kill the mood. Get ready for a severe lack of chemistry and more than one instance of (admittedly fiction) incest.

Click the movie titles for clips of the offending scenes!

10) High School Musical 3 – Zac Efron & Vanessa Hudgens

You’d think that actors who are going out with each other would be able to bring some of that chemistry to the screen. But the consummation of Troy Barns and Gabriella Montez’s previously chaste relationship is a damp squib. Although Disney has about as much sex in its movies as it does sensitive portrayals of ethnic minorities.

9) Wild Things – Denise Richards & Neve Campbell

If you like the idea of seeing two young starlets awkwardly necking in a pool as Kevin Spacey videos it from the bushes, then Wild Things will disappoint. Because its Kevin Spacey isn’t in this movie. It’s Kevin Bacon. But the lack of actual engagement between the kissers he’s voyeuristically observing is supremely obvious, and even a sultry, saxophone-laden soundtrack can’t disguise the fact that neither party is into it.

8) Gone with the Wind – Clark Gable & Vivien Lee

There’s an awful lot of woman-grabbing in this sprawling, kinda boring classic, and Clark Gable’s roguish hero isn’t afraid of grappling with his heroine and asserting his moustachioed dominance. Modern audiences would be a little bit wary of any scene in which a man holds a lady close to his face, commanding her to kiss him, only to dismiss her coldly further down the line. But that’s what onscreen romance looked like over 70 years ago; a little bit rapey.

7) Dude Where’s My Car? – Seann William Scott & Ashton Kutcher

You’ve got to admire the pluck of the two young leads, who pull up alongside romance novel model Fabio at a set of traffic lights and then compete with him for no good reason other than to set up a same-sex kiss. Kutcher and Scott give it their all and seem surprisingly willing, but it’s played for laughs and ends up feeling a bit cheap.

6) Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 – Emma Watson & Rupert Grint

It might not be incest, but watching Ron and Hermione make out sure feels like it. Both the plot of the film and the real world relationship between the actors involved makes this kiss wretch-worthy.

5) Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back – Mark Hamill & Carrie Fisher

Incest caused by ignorance is forgivable, but it’s retrospectively weird to see Princess Leia planting an open-mouthed smacker on Luke Skywalker even if it’s an act that occurs long before they learn that they’re brother and sister. The awkwardness intensifies when you realise they’re being watched by a jealous smuggler, an eight foot space monkey and a golden robot butler.

4) Back to the Future – Michael J Fox & Lea Thompson

Leading the way for weird incest in a mainstream movie is Back to the Future, in which Marty McFly gets to have a go on his mum’s face at least a decade before he was even born. It’s the kind of thing Oedipus might have done if he’d had access to a time machine/not been imaginary.

3) Ghost – Patrick Swayze & Demi Moore

The crowning act of ridiculousness in this supernatural romance movie is the kiss shared by the corporeal Moore and the spectral Swayze just before he saunters off into the afterlife. It might have worked better if they’d just covered him in a sheet and actually put him in the scene, but instead his translucent, shimmering form is overlaid on a shot of her puckering up to nothing but air.

2) Lord of the Rings: Return of the King – Viggo Mortensen & Liv Tyler

Not an awful kiss per se, but the image of Mortensen slightly opening his mouth to reveal the tip of his pink, wet tongue before he clashes with Tyler is truly unpleasant. Combined with the fantasy setting, the beard and the gathered crowd of onlookers, this twirling, hungry ritual is thoroughly off-putting.

1) Spider-Man - Tobey Maguire & Kirsten Dunst

On paper it sounds appropriate for a genetically modified teen to play tonsil tennis with his beloved while suspended from a sticky wrist mixture in the rain. Actually it doesn’t, but Sam Raimi must have thought that it would work when he forced the Tobester and Dunsty to enact this fantasy. Aside from the logistics of executing the kiss, imagine how the blood rushing to Maguire’s head must have made him feel? It’s the kind of oxygen-deprived asphyxi-wank death pose that all stars dread being caught in the midst of.

This is probably going to be one of the most confusing lists you’ll read this week, but in the wake of the bonkers return of the Fast & Furious franchise at cinemas with the idiotic excellence of Fast & Furious 6, we thought it was about time to rank these automotive action movies in order of quality.

1) Fast & Furious 6 (2013)

Big action, relatively little CGI, a London setting and hilariously dumb dialogue make this latest release also the best of the series so far.

2) The Fast and the Furious (2001)

The first movie brought street racing to the big screen and actually has a relatively coherent, self-contained plot. But how Paul Walker's Brian O'Conner ever became a cop in the first place we'll never know.

3) Fast Five (2011)

The grand heist on which the plot of this movie hinges is played out in unforgettable style during the climax, with a huge bank vault being dragged through the streets of Rio de Janeiro. The fight between Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson and Vin Diesel is also a dream of chunky man combat.

4) 2 Fast 2 Furious (2003)

This is the sunniest, funniest film in the series, benefitting from the up-beat addition of Tyrese Gibson as Roman Pierce, who brings a bit of levity to the otherwise po-faced plot.

5) Fast & Furious (2009)

This film was effectively a reboot, albeit one which uses exactly the same cast and characters. It’s grittier and grimier than its day-glo siblings and definitely delivers on the action front.

6) The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift (2006)

Although this is the weakest Fast & Furious film, it’s still an enjoyable ride and has been the lynchpin for the overarching narrative of the series, which is particularly obvious from the closing moments of Fast & Furious 6.

Iron Man 3 is out this week and we thought it was ace. But Tony Stark isn’t the only person to don armour and enhance his ability to survive violent encounters. Here are ten film characters that rely on armour to keep them safe, or just to look plain cool.

10) Wikus van de Merwe – District 9

We’re getting plenty of mechanised mayhem this year courtesy of Guillermo del Toro’s Pacific Rim. The Exo-Suit from District 9 is on a smaller scale, but the carnage it causes at the film’s climax is hard to forget.

9) Bruce Wayne - Batman Begins

Batman’s armour undergoes some interesting developments over the course of Christopher Nolan’s trilogy, but the original edition that doesn’t allow him to fully turn his head is the best, if only because it makes Christian Bale look a bit silly.

8) King Arthur - Lancelot Du Lac

That’s right, this list contains a French art film and there’s nothing you can do about it. Just because these knights are wearing awkwardly heavy suits of medieval armour doesn’t mean they’re protected from gratuitous decapitation.

7) Officer Alex J. Murphy – RoboCop

If only Murphy had been wearing armour in the first place he might have avoided being shot to death. At least he gets resurrected as a digital crime-fighter with a bad-ass bulletproof suit, even if leaving his stellar jaw line exposed does seem like an obvious error. Let's hope the remake doesn't suck!

6) Hemidal – Thor

Idris Elba is resplendent in his gaudy gold armour, playing an immortal gatekeeper with intimidating gravitas. The helmet in particular is a winged hoot.

5) Darth Vader – Star Wars

Everyone’s favourite Sith lord looks truly dapper in his jet black space suit-slash-life support device. Of course Vader doesn’t strictly need sartorial protection because he’s got the Force on his side.

4) Ellen Ripley – Aliens

James Cameron revisited the concept of mech-battles in Avatar, but its the CGI-free simplicity of Aliens’ Power Loader that creates the more satisfying encounter.

3) Sauron – Lord of the Rings trilogy

The dark lord may spend most of his time as a massive eye, but when Peter Jackson’s series delves into its few flashbacks, you get to see Sauron in all his spiky-armoured glory. If only he’d gone for sturdier gauntlets.

2) Maximus Decimus Meridius – Gladiator

Russell Crowe is rarely seen out of armour in this much parodied epic. He’s also surrounded by muscular chaps sporting their own varied protective clothing, most of which is aesthetically pleasing and historically accurate. Presumably.

1) Tony Stark - Iron Man

Marvel’s greatest Avenger wears his arrogance like armour most of the time. But conveniently he’s also got a ridiculously powerful metallic suit to back up his brashness. He just had to be at the top of this list.